i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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