you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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