You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
