its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
