nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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