I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
