can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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