she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
