I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
