I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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