We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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