You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize