We need to rekindle our bromance
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
