Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
