I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
