So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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