im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
