I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
