iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize