sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
