I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
