omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
