yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
