I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
