just tell him i said nine months
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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