Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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