you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
