well I can't set my house on fire every night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
