peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
