Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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