She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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