my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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