She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
