Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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