sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
