grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
