No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
