I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
