my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
