i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
