So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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