id be glad to
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
