Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my sisters under your porch take her home
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
