Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to cum in my sink.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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