Do you still have your period?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
