yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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