Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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