Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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