oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
