my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
