He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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