Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
