mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
