you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
