i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
