I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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