I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
