Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
