We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
