I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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