omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
