Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
