it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
