it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
